Tired of the same old arguments?

A couple are having a fight, the young woman with boxing gloves, connects with her male partner’s chin, who pulls a face as if in pain, with his eyes closed. He wears a khaki coloured shirt and a straw hat and she a black and white pokadot dress, both in their mid 30’s. The image suggests there is a different way of resolving arguments through couples counselling.

I know how to resolve this!

Tired of the same old arguments?

Do you want things to be different? If you’re tired of the same old arguments, here is one winning strategy for getting your point across without hurting your partner or yourself. Firstly, you need to let go of the need to be right. It is a losing strategy that can end up making you both feel worse. When an argument is driven by the need to be right, things can escalate quickly and leave you both feeling angry and upset.

Instead of needing to be right, wouldn’t it be good if your partner listened to you and understood where you were coming from? You wouldn’t feel attacked or like you have to defend yourself. Things would be calm. This is a winning strategy that can result in you each feeling validated by the other person, with closeness and trust being a result.

Couples arguments

Did you know that 69 percent of couples’ conflicts are unresolvable (Gottman)? So, why waste the time trying to win? If it can’t be resolved, you need to reach a position of understanding the others’ point of view so that they don’t have to continually reassert it. This way, it won’t keep on surfacing in other arguments.

If you’re tired of the same old arguments, you could try learning a new way in couples counselling. We practise a form of 5-minute one-way conversation (Gottman; Bader & Pearson) that allows you each to get your point across without criticising or blaming your partner, and in return, you feel listened to and understood. Sound good? It takes practice, and in a safe couples counselling setting you can learn new ways of communicating, without the need to defend yourself or attack your partner, which is a common cycle.

Three benefits of coming to see me as a Sydney couples counsellor

  1. I am trained in using various strategies from the main couples counselling models used today (Gottman level 2 training and Emotional Focused training) and am experienced in integrating these within a fluid and flexible framework.
  2. I believe in your strengths as a couple and use these to create a positive environment for change.
  3. My aim is to guide through a process of deeper understanding of yourself and your partner and a stronger, closer connection if that is your goal.

Contact Linda Magson, Sydney couples counsellor, to make an appointment.

I was touched to receive this testimonial from a couple I worked with.

We are very different personalities but neither of us likes to be wrong. The strategies we learnt with Linda helped to take the heat out of the moment and look at things in a calm way. Our style of arguing changed and we actually felt better after an argument, instead of worse. Even if we still dont agree with each other, we are now more willing to understand the other’s point of view and what they’re asking for underneath the complaint. Linda has unique skills to coach, guide and help you navigate the choppy water and be prepared for the eddies underneath!

Contact Linda Magson, for more information about couples counselling.