How to build confidence?
I have chosen this title “How to build confidence’ rather than ‘How to gain confidence’ or ‘How to be confident’. Why? Because I believe we all have the foundations of our own confidence. Confidence is not something outside ourselves that we need to acquire, or an action we can take without truly understanding ourselves. Firstly, we need to reconnect with our inner sense of self and acknowledge the ways in which we are already confident and also the things we fear.
We all have innate confidence in the things we know, the things we can do, and our natural talents and skills. The problem is that we often do not value these things, or we want to trade them for other skills and abilities.
Take Extroversion, for instance. Who doesn’t want to be an extrovert if you’re an introvert? On the other side of the fence it looks like they have all the confidence, all the friends and all the fun. We find it hard (I used to be on the extreme end of the Introversion scale). We constantly compare and find ourselves lacking. It may be time to stop, and take stock of what is good and not so good about each end of the scale. And to see it more as a moving scale, rather than an all or nothing measure.
To build confidence you need to learn to tap into your internal reservoir of confidence, in order to build on your strengths and prepare yourself for the next encounter. Somewhere along the way someone has said we need more confidence and we believed him or her, right? And does confidence alone make up for skill, practice or empathy for others? Confidence is one element that contributes to the makeup of who we are as people. What do you love to do? Are you naturally good at? Have you practiced a lot but still have been unable to master (for me, that’s surfing)? Do you value the things you are good at or would you trade these things for a different skill set? Why?
Steps to build confidence
- Assess your strengths in a realistic way (using the average population as a measure) and identify what value these are to you
- Identify the things you would like to be more skilled at and why
- Imagine what life will be like when you build your strengths and new skills
- Figure out what you want in life
- Watch your negative self talk and balance it with positive, helpful self talk
- Build a healthy physical and social environment around you
- Continue to build your confidence by taking small actions to grow it
- Don’t judge yourself or your efforts. Remember, you are your own biggest fan!
Three benefits of coming to see me for confidence coaching
- I can help you figure out what you want and how to get there.
- Understand the change process and the importance of motivation, believing in yourself and having a good plan.
- Guide and support you along the way.
“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” – E.E. Cummings